Communication, Anxiety, Verbal Aggression and Listening

      From the evaluation, I noticed there was a three way similarity in one aspect of my communication ability. I am uncomfortable in communicating in some situations.  Right away, I knew it was speaking in front of people whether it was a small group setting or an audience.  I defy public speaking!  I stutter.  When I was a child, I stuttered minimally and often self-corrected.  It appears when I became about 30 years old, I started to stutter more profoundly which causes me to avoid public speaking. I suffer with anxiety and speaking openly raises my anxiety level.   This is one reason that I am so grateful for on-line courses. I am able to express myself without worrying about pronunciations, repeated words or phrases and things like that that don’t bother other people like it does me.    My co-worker agreed that I rate “moderate” when concerning verbal aggression. Whereas my friend from childhood thinks I am verbally aggressive.  I thought not me, I’m a pussy cat. 

     The difference that I noted is that the other two people who evaluated me did not know intense my fear of public speaking is. I won’t inform them either.  In the category of listening, I fall into group 1, which says that I am people oriented which may interfere with my ability to be too trusting.  I disagree with that.  I love people but I don’t trust easily. 

      The first concept that resonates with me is an expert from the text.  The text says, “Your self-concept strongly influences how and when you communicate with others, the reverse is also true; when you interact with other people, you get impressions from them that reveal how they evaluate you as a person and a communicator” (O’Hair & Weismann, 2012). You see, I like to communicate in settings that are small where people see me as just that—a person.  I don’t have to pretend or have a great persona, I just present me.  Secondly, “You let others know about yourself through self-presentation” (O’Hair & Weismann, 2012). I think I present myself better through face-to-face communication and e-mail. I enjoy talking one-on-one and I like to compose material. 

References

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

 

WHO AM I SPEAKING TO?

     I enter a room dressed casually wearing shorts, a faded T-shirt, and no shoes. I tap my foot, with my arms folded.  I bellow out “Can somebody get these damn toys off of the floor….T-O-D-A-Y!”   I am speaking to my own kids who are the target of this frustrating repetitive demand. 

     Conversely, I am fully clothed in close to my Sunday’s best.  I say in a mild tone with a smile, “Did someone forget to pick up their toys in the homemaking center?” I am speaking to my students at the early childhood center. 

     Finally, I go into the monthly faculty meeting and enter the discussion. The topic is “How can we make them work at the end of the school year?” I raise my hand, wait to be recognized, then reply we can offer rewards and incentives and post their pictures in the hall for being a responsible citizen.  Surely, I am speaking to professional educated adults.

     No matter which of these roles one plays, communication is all around us. At home, I am Mommy, at work, I am Mrs. Yolonda and with my coworkers, I am Mrs. Honore’. With each scenario, I utilized some type of verbal, non-verbal and/or listening skill. In my culture it is appropriate to communicate with your children using mild profanities when making a repeated request.  The authors of the course text say, “Most cultures believe their own culture is appropriate and everyone should believe as they do” (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012). In the first scenario, I am comfortable expressing myself like this among family. As an educational professional, I realize what is appropriate in later scenarios because I am tasked with being a problem solver and teaching children problem solving skills. Additionally, children leaving toys out in the play center is a skill that I need to address.  I can do this by modeling the desired behavior.  “The modeling process is very strong.  Children imitate what they see others doing” (Gonzalez-Mena, 2010, p. 38).

References

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

 

 

Sound off...Sound on!

   The program that I chose to view was entitled “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”—The Gang Gets Racist.  I am sure not many people chose to watch TV with the sound off.  It was definitely a challenge for me because TV is my favorite pass time.  From viewing this show with no sound, I thought the three male characters were friends because they talked to each other and laughed often. Two of the guys appeared that they were discussing a problem.  They carried on the conversation with their heads nodding in agreement.   The main female character did not appear to work in the bar but was familiar with the men in that situation because she took off her coat and laid it on the chair as if she was familiar with the place.  An unfamiliar man walked into the bar and the three guys all of a sudden began a conversation with him in a physically defensive mode.  The female held the unfamiliar man’s (black guy) hand then the guys backed down.  It appeared that her conversation supported his presence there.  In another scene, the all the above mentioned people sat and conversed over drinks.  The black guy did most of the speaking while the others casually smiled and nodded.  He was extremely “hands-on” with the guy who was nearest him.  He made sure that whatever he was saying that guy was giving him approval.  The female attempted to kiss the black guy but he directed her to kiss his cheek while holding her at arms’ length.  In another scene, the three men tried to play dominoes with a group of black guys at a game room.  One of the white guys appeared to be “talking” the domino players’ hand which led him being shunned by the bystanders.  The white guy was later invited to play dominoes and the bystanders were giving him handshakes and high fives at the end of the game.  In another scene, there was a male and female bartender, the male bartender’s tip jar was filled.  On the other hand the female’s jar was still sort of empty. 

     When the sound was on, a couple of my suspicions were confirmed. Jarred, the black guy was gay that is why he would not let Julie kiss him and made a pass at the other guy at the table.  Julie knew Jarred from her acting class and wanted him to meet the guys who owned the bar as to solicit more business.  Jarred was some type of party planner.  When Jarred arrived in the bar, the guys perceived that he was there to rob them because he came to the bar after hours and Julie had not prepared them to meet a black guy.   So eventually, Jarred told gay people on campus that the bar was for gays.  Gay men made a lot of compliments to the bartender even alluding to his pretty blue eyes.   Other gay men, starred at the bartender as to get his attention.  While in the game room of the college campus, non-verbal communication existed.  The white guys were looked at with snide facial expressions and practically booed when he interrupted the domino game. 

      It was quite interesting to analyze a show with and without sound.  This is a show that I have not viewed before.  I probably would have known that Jarred was gay and not interested in Julie.  Before I turned on the sound, I did not notice that the bar was empty and in need of patrons.  If this was a show that I normally watched

 

Effective Communication

     My mom exhibited great communication skills.  She would ask a probing question and then wait for a response.  She would never interrupt the speaker. I can remember telling her that I wanted to quit school in the 9^th grade.  She smiled and said that it was alright with her.  I then looked puzzled because she did not respond the way I expected her to.  Before I would quit she would have to have a loooong talk with me.  I was afraid of the unknown of this conversation.  She asked me why I wanted to quit school.  I responded that I was tired of waking up rushing to catch the bus and that school is boring.  I told her my grades were okay and I could just take and pass the GED.  She listened without judgment.  I continued with my nonsense, she listened.  Toward the end of the conversation, she asked me what kind of job I was going to get and how was I going to get there. I had not thought past the moment.  She provoked me to think about my future.  During the conversation, she communicated verbally and non-verbally.  She supplied feedback and she did not demean my thoughts.  After talking with her, I decided that finishing school would be the best choice for me.

   I have learned from my mom and yes I am attempting to become an effective communicator like she was.  She was effective because she listened, kept eye contact and did not appear to be judgmental.  As I became older, I would say, “Mom, I want to be just like you when I grow up!” She was a sympathetic caring listener who expects people to make the choices that would be a benefit for self.  She always made sure that any person who she spoke to would know that she cared for them.   I think she was a role model that I want to one day follow. 

Considerations, Reflections, Aspirations

Considerations, Reflections, Aspirations

     This course has been AMAZING!  Of all of the courses that I have taken at Walden Univ., I am so impressed and grateful with the responses and support that I have received from my colleagues.  This course was a bit difficult for me because I had undergone Carpal Tunnel surgery.  I had to motivate myself to stay on the ball because, I expected nothing less than the best in spite of my physical situation.  I gained  so much support from my colleagues. As I reviewed the responses of my colleagues, I’ve concluded they truly know how to lend support.  Thanks guys because you and my sons are my motivation!

 

     My professional and personal opinion for all children and families is that no matter what their background, sexual orientation, race, creed, ethics, religion, demographics or culture is that one day all PEOPLE can be treated equal.  This is my hope and goal in which I will utilize as the premise of issues related to diversity, equity and social justice in the early childhood field.

 

 

Tammy StreichFebruary 24, 2013 at 6:23 AM

I like your idea about hanging the country's flag and asking the family to volunteer to come in and associate with all the kids. What better way to learn about ones country coming straight from the people who know. Good post!

 

Jennifer BisignanoFebruary 24, 2013 at 7:27 AM

I love this idea. If I were to pick this country I think I would also incorporate the music, food and local traditions. Amazing job.

Jennifer Bisignano

 

Stacy PerryFebruary 24, 2013 at 2:36 PM

I love how you started your blog in first person. It made me want to read more! All of your ideas to make the families feel comfortable were amazing and I know they would truly be helpful! I fully agree with the quote you posted from the book! ""Teachers who create learning environments that incorporate and build upon children's home cultures promote healthy social, emotional, and cognitive development and academic achievement" (2010, p. 61)."
Thanks for the reminder!

 

Janell LawrenceFebruary 24, 2013 at 3:38 PM

Yolanda,
You had great ideas. I like how you would invite the child to teach some songs or finger plays about his culture. That sounds like a really good idea. I also like how you began by writing in first person. It made your blog very realistic.

Janell Lawrence
Beaumont, Ca
Site Supervisor

 

Jennifer BisignanoFebruary 17, 2013 at 11:15 AM

I think the interesting thing about both of these events that you experienced it that it led you here. The grandfather was obviously a bigot and so was the teacher. It is amazing what you over came. Kudos to you

 

Janell LawrenceFebruary 17, 2013 at 8:00 PM

Yolanda,
That is ridiculous that a light skinned black man would be prejudiced against people, especially children, when he was in such an admirable position. As for your friends grandparent, he should have kept his opinion to himself. At least he didn't go any farther and disallow you from being friends with her. Thank you for sharing such personal situations.

 

 

 

Tammy StreichFebruary 20, 2013 at 2:17 PM

Very sad Yolanda, but you didn’t want to tattle tell anyway, thinking back. This and other reasons remind us of why we want to make a change. We need to treat all children as equals and hopefully they will grow up and do the same. I always stress the Golden Rule, do onto others as you want them to do onto you. If more people lived by this “Code” the world would be a better place. It’s our mission to make the world a better place and we are better people for living through such life challenges. By the way I have a life friend and she spells her name Jolanda.

 

Jennifer BisignanoJanuary 31, 2013 at 6:58 PM

I am so sorry that you had that awful experience. This reminds of a movie that was out years ago called school daze by Spike Lee. It is really sad women are still judged on the color of their skin.

 

 

Trichelle WilliamsFebruary 2, 2013 at 4:38 AM

Unfortunately, microaggressions are a constant reality for people of color. It is sad to know that in this day and age, people are still being judged by the color of their skin. Yes, racism exists even within one’s own race. I am so sorry about your experience. I was hoping that you would pledge and use the opportunity to combat microaggressions against women of color.

Marie February 3, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Wow! Good for you for taking a stand and not pledging to that sorority! I believe that we all have a place in this world, sometimes I wonder how exactly to find it, but I know it's out there!It is so hard to teach children about being nice when there are so many "not nice" people out there!

Zena SaraiFebruary 3, 2013 at 9:11 PM

I was personal invited to join that sorority in 1999 when I was in undergrad. I am dark skinned. They don't really follow that brown paper bag rule anymore but most of them are light in complexion. Now they choose people based on class or economic status or privilege. I didn't join that sorority because I did not feel good about it. I really hate how light skin black people can get White privilege because of their lighter skin. This brings such a divide among Black people.